Joy the Baker

I’ve got a case of the lazy bones.  Serious and impervious to negotiation, lazy bones.

These lazy bones have coerced me into watching a solid five hour block of television last Friday night.  These lazy bones strong armed me into excessive Saturday and Sunday napping.  I also did that thing where you get up and make breakfast, eat it, hold you belly with the sheer joy of your accomplishment… then get back in bed… back in bed (!) for a nap.

I’ve had the best of intentions, but I learned early on this weekend (about halfway through watching my third bridal show on Friday night) that my to-do list was just going to have to sit tight and have some patience.  That’s how it goes some weekends.  Who am I to disrupt the flow?

Nuts.  I somehow roasted and fancied up hazelnuts.  This must have been done in one of the hazes between naps.  I have no real recollection, but I do have photographic evidence.  Thank heavens.  I may not fully remember making them, but I sure do remember the dream where I was shoving them into my face by the fistful.  True.

Ok…. maybe they’re not the prettiest nuts you’ve ever seen.  Delicious?  Oh.  So.  Yes.

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Autumn is settling in.  Autumn has settled in, and here I am ready to accept it.  I’m also ready to accept the fact that my days in the kitchen are about to dramatically increase (if you can believe that) as my cravings for apple crisp (lovelovelovelovelovelovelove), pumpkin cookies and cranberry treats become harder to ignore.  I’m less ready to embrace the way my jeans are tightening around my thighs… or maybe it’s my thighs growing inside my jeans.  Either way, the tightness and the sucking in of the tummy seems to be just a part of the season.

What are you up to in the kitchen these days?  Here’s some food for thought  Yes… I totally just said that. 

Mocha Hazelnut Marble Cake.  This cake was gorgeous, classy and utterly fine… until I tried to transport it in a fancy cake stand and got this glistening chocolate glaze exactly everywhere.  Everywhere.  Lesson learned. 

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Persimmon Pudding, from tree to table.  

Step One:  Find a neighbor with a gorgeous, almost cartoon like persimmon tree.  Ask your Mom to help you pick persimmons… Mom always likes to help.

Step Two:  Entice neighbor and Mamabear with the promise of fresh baked persimmon pudding if you’re granted access to their persimmon tree.  

Step Three:  Try this phrase, “Hey Neighbor!  I think you’re just swell.  Can I borrow a ladder?  That’s one tall tree.  Sweet… thanks.”

Step Four:  If you decide to sneak a peek into the other neighbor’s yard while you’re up on that ladder picking persimmons… maybe you’ll want to be more subtle than my mother.  I’m just sayin…

Step Five:  Pick the ripest, softest persimmons.  Way to be, Mom!

Step Six:  Carefully place super ripe persimmons in bag to cart off home, thanking your neighbors Dan and Libby for their ladder and their abundant tree. 

Step Seven:  If you don’t happen to have a neighbor with a persimmon tree, I’m betting that the local farmer’s market will have some gorgeous Hachiya persimmons for you this time of year…. and you won’t need a ladder. 

Step Eight:  Call your favorite Aunt from Indiana and ask her to promptly send you all of the persimmon recipes she owns… that will be a lot.  Seriously.  Thanks Judy!

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If this blog were written by 13 year old me instead of 28 year old me… I can safely say that I would blog about these White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies every. single. day.

One bite of these cookies and… oh heavens!  I feel like I’m being dropped off at the mall to meet my friends on a hot summer day.  We speak Gibberish and Pig Latin.  We are fluent enough in both made up languages to combine the two into one mega made-up language.  It’s pretty sick. 

One bite of these cookie and I have tragically frizzly triangle hair and my twenty dollar allowance in my pocket.  My friends are trying to convince me to see Jurassic Park and all I want to do is sit on a bench with a bag of White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies from Mrs Field’s and try to muster up the courage to go talk to the cute cashier at Sbarro Pizza.  

One bite of these cookie and, yes… I’m wearing overalls.  Yes.. I only have one strap buckled.  Yes… one hanging strap on overalls is super cool.  

Who knew one bite of a cookie could be so transforming…. and awkward.  It’s a good thing I don’t make these very often.  

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These are pretty, right?  Hot diggity dang, I think they’re precious.  

In the middle of frosting these cupcakes I looked down at my hands.  No big deal.  I was simply looking down at the cupcake in one hand, and frosting covered knife in the other.  I had to see what I was doing, right?  When I looked down at this particular moment, I saw… my grandmother’s hands.  There they were, the worn and wrinkled hands that had absolutely fascinated me as a child… only now spotted with powdered sugar and tinted with food coloring.  

When I was a kid I would hold my grandmother’s hand in my lap and study it like it like I might study my favorite picture book.  Somehow her hands weren’t at all different from reading an intricate a story.  

So there I was, frosting a cupcake with my grandmother’s hands.  The image was so strong that I even put down the cupcake and knife and bent my left index finger with my right hand.  It ached a little.  I don’t know why.  And just like that… those hands were gone from me.  

That was simultaneously perplexing and so comforting.  I had to share that with you…  I now only hope that I live long enough for my hands to be read like a story book.  

Now let’s talk cupcakes!

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Some things just shouldn’t be a luxury.  Some things are an absolute necessity.

Spending too much money at Target, for example.  Sometimes… (you know it’s true) that’s a total necessity.

Hot bath plus cold beer.  You need it.  I need it. Necessity.

A super comfortable dress that shows a little shoulder.  Everyone loves a little shoulder.

A girlfriend you can talk about your lady parts with.  Yes, I said lady parts.  Please don’t under estimate this necessity.

Aaaaand, last but not least… a little pancake love on a weekday morning.  Do it.

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I have this nasty little habit that shouldn’t bother you in the least… unless of course you’re one of the unlucky people in the world that might have to share a pint of ice cream with me.  

See… I’m a picker.  I will shamelessly pick out every good morsel of ice cream chunky goodness from a pint, leaving only half melted ice cream for you.  Cookie Dough Ice Cream is only Cookie Dough Ice Cream until I get my paws on it for five minutes.  After a cool five minutes, that pint is just a sad excuse for vanilla ice cream.  Don’t even get me started of Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream.  I’ve got enough skills to dig out every ounce of peanut butter in seconds flat.

It’s a shameless habit.  It’s terrible and selfish… and it’ll never change.  I can’t help myself. 

Cookie No-Dough Ice Cream may have just solved my ice cream picking issue.  Instead of having vanilla ice cream with chunks of cookie dough embedded within it, this ice cream… the entire ice cream is the flavor of cookie dough!  Holy heck balls!  That’s amazing.  Yea.. it is. 

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I like you.  I like you a lot.  I mean it… and I don’t think I’ve told you in a while.  Sweet.  I’m glad you’re here.

Would now be a good time to tell you that I have a serious, though not lasting, aversion to my kitchen these days?   I have an even more serious aversion to my oven.  For reals.

It’s just that… well, it’s summer!  There seems to be so many museums to visit, brunches to have, friends to laugh with, wine to drink… and somehow none of this fun takes place in my kitchen.

Amazingly, and through the miracle that is my freezer, I’ve managed to throw together a lovely and waaaay super easy summer recipe.  It’s apple pie meets snow cone, minus the cone, plus a hint of awesome.

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I love a good weekend project, especially when that project involves my fingers in loads of cookie dough.

I’ll admit that I may be waaaay behind the times on this trick.  It’s the sort of trick that super moms have on lock to make them look even more awesome than they already are.  Since I haven’t yet produced other people with my body, this trick is just now hitting my radar.

The idea is this:  one day… (say, maybe a lazy Saturday morning) whip up a couple batches of your favorite cookie dough.  Dollop that cookie dough onto a cookie sheet, all close like.  Throw the entire cookie sheet into the freezer.  Freeze the dough balls, then throw them into a zip lock bag and back into the freezer.  You know what that means?  All you have to do is flick on the oven and throw in a few dough balls anytime you want fresh baked cookies!  Dang this livin’ is easy!

This frozen dough ball situation is key and here’s why:

You and the family can have  fresh baked cookies any and every night.

Surprise guests?  No problem at all… you just happened to be whipping up a batch of fresh cookies.  Taaadaaa!

Bake ‘em directly from frozen…. do it!

Frozen dough balls in the middle of the night?  I won’t tell a soul.  Can I be honest?  I eat the dough balls more often than I actually bake the cookies.  In fact… be right back.  Dough ball for breakfast.

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Honey Roasted Plums with Fresh Thyme and Greek Yogurt

This weekend I want out!  Out of the kitchen and into a pool.  Out of these clothes and into a bathing suit.  Out of this computer and into a poolside book and cocktail situation.

I want you out too.  I don’t want you in the kitchen all weekend.  Don’t you think your time would be much better spent in sunglasses and a big floppy hat with your feet up by the pool!?  Good.  I’m glad we agree.

If you’re celebrating the 4th of July this weekend, be sure to say things like “Go America!” and watch colors explode in the sky if you can.  It’s fun.

If you’re not celebrating America’s independence… well heck… I think a weekend by the pool is still in order.  You just don’t have to scream things like “Go America!” unless you really want to.

Here are the recipes that will keep you out of all day kitchen adventures and magically keep your bellies satisfied.

Let us explore.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

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I’ve been struggling for the past few hours with what to tell you in conjunction with these Blackberry Pie Bars.

I thought maybe we could talk about how I’m still totally dragging my feet about going to my ten year high school reunion.  No… that’s been done.  Boring.

Maybe we could talk about how I sat around a campfire with Andrea Zuckerman… a character from that show Beverly Hills 90210, but that was actually just a dream I had last night.  Not real.

We could chat about the weather?  Seen any good movies lately?

No?  Ok… let’s not fight this.

Let’s get on to the bars.  They’re good.  Really good.  Good enough to not need a silly introduction.

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Number Five: Peanut Butter Fudge Treats

For those moments when you decide to kill your noisy neighbors by gifting them an epic sugar rush in the form of these super charged bars.  Not a crime, right?

Number Four: Red Velvet Black and White Cookies

Because red dye makes everything… red velvety!

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Everyone has their own way of enjoying toasted marshmallows.  It’s very much a personal thing… this I understand.

I like my roasted, toasted marshmallows extra crispy… extra well done.  I want that sucker on  the end of the misshapen close hanger, stuck right into the depths of the fire.  I want it to come out flaming.  That’s right, I’m a marshmallow torch girl.

Apparantely, the marshmallow torch is not how you make friends at all-girl sleep away camp.  I would always get groans of disapproval from the girls that were trying to keep their precious marshmallows just far enough away from the orange coals to perfectly toast them.  Maybe they were less than thrilled with my marshmallow torch because I usually managed to set at least one of their darling marshmallows on fire just out of sheer proximity.  I considered it a favor.  Them..?  Not so much.

But these brownies aren’t really about my summer camp misadventures, are they?  These S’mores Brownies are more about fudgy, dense chocolate that bakes up with graham cracker bits and toasted marshmallows.  Toasted, not torched.

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Dear Spring,

You’re a great season.  In fact, you’re my favorite season of all.  Something about the orange blossoms dotting my neighborhood, and the barely warm evening sun just makes me want to squeeze you with gratitude.

Great job with all the tulips.  Excellent work with all the sweet peas.  Don’t even get me started on the asparagus…. wow!

There’s just a few things I thought you might consider… just in the interest of being the best season ever, and kicking every other season right in the backside.

First, your color palette.  Have you ever considered switching it up?  All the pastels remind me of bad baby shower party games.  Plus, you’re edgier than that Spring.  Show those other seasons what’s what.  Have you considered a fresh neon palate?  It might work wonders for your image.

Second,  can you please work on making purple the new grey this season?

Lastly,  every year when you come to town, I end up in the candy aisle at the grocery store buying giant bags of chocolate egg-shaped candies.  After I’ve mistakenly make these chocolate goodies a meal, I’m forced the throw the remainder in the trash and pour dish soap on them, keeping myself from sleep-eating them in the middle of the night.  While this may seem like more of a personal issue, your attention to this matter would still be much appreciated.

Also Spring, I made you meringues.

Stay Sweet,

Joy the Baker

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My pumpkin adventures continue.  I think pumpkin is just something I have to get out of my system in order to move on to more enticing Fall foods.  With these cookies, a version of some other out of this world pumpkin cookies, I can fairly say that I’ve got pumpkin out of my system.  All is well.

Here’s what’s going on with Joy the Baker.  I’m gearing up for NaBloPoMo.  What’s that!?  It’s a full month of daily blog posts in November.  Joy the Baker will become a combination of amazing baked treats, holiday baking tips, and a fine cheese oasis.  Cheese?  Yes, I’ll explain more in November.

I’m going to San Francisco this weekend.  It’s sure to be a dangerous collision of food, drinks, Halloween costumes, and the madness of my little sister.  I’ll bring my camera and share the debauchery with you.

What are you doing this weekend?  Besides baking these (insanely easy) Pumpkin Butterscotch Cookies?

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