Can you do me a favor?

I cringe any time someone asks me if I can do them a favor.  I always want to say… sure, yes, of course… only to be asked to do something like… I dunno… be a bridesmaid in their wedding and wear lavender and ruffles.  Ok… so that hasn’t been a favor asked of me just yet.  The thought obviously terrifies me.

I hope when I ask you to do me this favor you won’t completely cringe.

Do me a favor and make this popcorn this weekend.

I wouldn’t ask unless it was totally important, and totally delicious.

Believe me.  If you’ve never believed me before, now would be the time to start.  Make this popcorn.  It’s perfectly sweet and perfectly salty.  Make it for dinner.  Make it and sneak it into the movie theater in your giant purse.  Make it and sit out on your patio with a glass of cheap wine.  Find the time.  Find a way.  Just do me a favor and enjoy this popcorn as soon as possible.

It’s that good.

I know what you’re thinking.  Geez Joy… it’s just kettle corn.  What’s the big deal?

This popcorn will sneak up on you.  You’ll have one bite and think… meh, sweet and salty… so what!?  You’ll have another bite and think… yea, it’s pretty good.  You’ll have a third bite and realize I’ve introduced you to some sort of drug-like substance.  And then… you’ll have eaten the whole batch in a cool 15 minutes.

If it can happen to me.  It can happen to you.

Homemade Kettle Corn

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1/2 cup popcorn
1/4 cup vegetable or grapeseed oil
3 tablespoons sugar
Salt to taste.  I think I used between 1/2 and 1 teaspoon.

Three things are true.  Let’s go over some facts.

I’m gullible.  I prefer to think of it as less naive and more trusting.  If you tell me something, in all likelihood, I’ll believe you.  For this reason, let’s keep the April foolery to a minimum this morning.  It’s not really my style, and chances are, if you try to fool me with falsehoods or pranks today, it’ll work.  Let’s not and say we did.

This day reminds me of one particular April Fool’s Day many years back.   I thought playing a prank on my little sister would be ripe with comedy.  It involved a toilet seat, petroleum jelly, and her resulting slippery bum.  As I giggled with success, my little sister busted out her fake (but oh so convincing) cry and I was in a heap of trouble with Mom.  She’s brilliant with the fake cry… award winning.  Well played little sister… I see how you turned that around… Well played.

Lastly, and this is no petroleum jelly joke-  I was featured in the London Times this week!  Check out the interview and the photos… and say hello to London.  Normally I’d tell you how being in the London Times makes me want to yell, and jump and otherwise spaz with excitement.. but I’m trying to play it cool.  You know.. like wearing sunglasses at night, or wearing Converse sneakers with a fancy dress, or putting ham and mustard in cookies…. cool.  Let’s play it cool.

A friend affectionately called these savory pastries, Ham Cookies.  While the name is less than enticing, the description is just about right.  I combined my favorite Dufour Puff Pastry with lovely Dijon mustard, thinly sliced prosciutto and Gruyere cheese.  Roll the dough in towards each other like you would a Palmier, and you’ve got a savory breakfast snack, or a super easy appetizer.  Easy and impressive… that means we all win!

Prosciutto Dijon and Gruyere Puffs

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1 package Dufour Puff Pastry (It’s the best store bought pastry around.  If you can’t find it, go for a brand that uses all butter, and not the fake fat stuff.)

8 slices Prosciutto di Parma

3 Tablespoons Dijon mustard

1 cup Gruyere cheese, grated

flour for dusting

fresh ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.

Thaw puff pastry in the refrigerator for 2 to 3 hours.  Once thawed, carefully unfold and lay on a floured work surface.  If the pastry tears at the seam in the unfolding process, it’s not the end of the world, but try to keep it in one un-torn piece.  Dust flour on top of the pastry as well.

Puff pastry will already be very flat, but with a rolling pin, roll the dough out to about 11×9-inches.  Layer the eight slices of prosciutto on top of the puff pastry.  Using a butter knife, layer the mustard on top of the prosciutto slices.  Top with grated cheese, and as much fresh ground black pepper as you like.

Begin to roll the right side of the pastry in towards the center.  Next roll the left side of the pastry in towards the center.  Press together.  Dough will not stick together, but if you brush away some of the excess flour on the center dough pieces, they will stay together better during baking.

With a sharp knife, slice the dough into 1/2-inch thick slices.  Place on a baking sheet lines with parchment paper.  Bake at 400 degrees F for about 12-15 minutes, until a deep golden brown.  Let cool on the pan for 5 minutes, then remove from baking sheet and serve warm or at room temperature.

I must be out of my mind. It seems that even the deep August heat can’t curb my constant craving for homemade carbohydrate treats.

Last week I slaved over a pot of 350 degree vegetable oil to fry some fresh doughnuts and this week I hovered over a pot of boiling water cooking up some traditional soft pretzels.

I will admit that these pretzels weren’t nearly as satisfying as the homemade doughnuts. I found the shaping and the subsequent boiling a little bit trying of my patience. I realized half way into the pretzel making process that I was in not mood for shaping and tending to yeasted dough. I was in the mood for instant carb gratification. I should have just hit up the drive through for some french fries.

Begrudgingly, the pretzels got made and adorned with grill seasoning instead of pretzel salt. I like the course flakes of salt, pepper and spices. Of course, served warm with a little brown mustard, my frustrations mostly melted away. The mess in my kitchen…. that was another story entirely.

Do I sound cranky? I certainly don’t mean to.

I say give these pretzels a try if you have a lazy Saturday afternoon, sometime in cool, crisp late October, not (not!) mid August. Silly silly Joy the Baker.

For a much cooler treat check out my Blueberry Mango Frozen MiniPops over at FoodProof.

Soft Seasoned Pretzels

adapted from Gourmet, March 2004

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1 tablespoon sugar
1 (1/4-oz) package active dry yeast (2 1/2 teaspoons)
3 3/4 to 4 cups all-purpose flour
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 teaspoons pretzel salt or grill seasoning

1 heaping Tablespoon baking soda (add it to the boiling water just before throwing in the pretzel dough!)

Stir together sugar, yeast, and 1 1/2 cups lukewarm water (105 to 110°F) in a glass measuring cup, then let stand until foamy, about 5 minutes. (If mixture doesn’t foam, discard and start over with new yeast.)

Whisk together 3 1/2 cups flour and 1 tablespoon table salt in a large bowl. Add yeast mixture and stir with a wooden spoon until it forms a dough. Dust work surface with 1 tablespoon flour, then turn out dough and knead, gradually dusting with just enough additional flour to make a smooth sticky dough, about 8 minutes. (Dough needs to be somewhat sticky to facilitate rolling and forming into pretzels).

Return dough to bowl and cover bowl tightly with plastic wrap, then let dough rise in a draft-free place at warm room temperature until doubled in bulk, about 45 minutes. Turn out dough onto a clean work surface and cut into 8 equal pieces. Using your palms, roll 1 piece back and forth on a clean dry work surface into a rope about 24 inches long. If dough sticks to your hands, lightly dust them with flour. Twist dough into a pretzel shape. (Dough will retract as you form the pretzel.)

Transfer pretzel with your hands to an oiled baking sheet and form 7 more pretzels in same manner with remaining dough, spacing them 1 1/2 inches apart.

Let pretzels stand, uncovered, about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, put oven rack in upper third of oven and preheat oven to 425°F. Bring a wide 6-quart pot of water to a boil.  Once boiling, add heaping tablespoon of baking soda.

Using both hands, carefully add 3 pretzels, 1 at a time, to boiling water and cook, turning over once with tongs, until pretzels are puffed and shape is set, about 3 minutes. Transfer parboiled pretzels to a rack to cool. Repeat with remaining 5 pretzels in 2 batches.

Line baking sheet with parchment paper and oil paper, then arrange pretzels on sheet. Brush pretzels lightly with some of egg and sprinkle with pretzel salt. Bake until golden brown and lightly crusted, about 35 minutes. Cool 15 minutes, then serve warm.

Cooks’ notes:
• Dough can be mixed and kneaded in a standing electric mixer fitted with dough hook.
• Pretzels are best the day they are made. (When they are kept overnight, salt may dissolve.)