Joy the Baker

I’m going to need you to do a little something for me this weekend.  

Yes.  It’s Wednesday.  We’re planning ahead.  This is important.  

I think you and I should make it a point to seriously relax this coming weekend.  See… it might be our last chance to really take it easy before the new year.  Before we know it we’ll be swept away by Thanksgiving, festive flavored lattes, contemporary holiday music, visiting relatives, cranberry cocktails and company parties.  

This weekend though… this weekend we can take it easy.  

To help us with our plan, I’ve come up with the perfect weekend breakfast:  yeast risen waffles with maple and black pepper bacon.  

We’re taking it slow this weekend.  Are you in?

**But wait!  You don’t have a  waffle iron?  It’s ok.  These Milk Chocolate Chip Buttermilk Pancakes with a side of Maple Black Pepper Bacon should put  you in an equally great food coma.  Not to worry.

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These eggs aren’t the only thing that’s scrambled.  

My brains…. also pretty scrambled right now.  

As far as I see it, there are two solutions to the scrambled brain mess that I’ve got going on inside my head right now: a whole weekend worth of sleep or a bag of fun size Snickers bars.  

Aaaand Snickers it is… but first, let me show you what I eat morning, noon and night:  scrambled eggs.  

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I cleared out my cooking cupboard and piled everything up on a table… I’m trying to make a point.  

I think it’s important you know that you don’t need cabinets full of fancy equipment to make glorious things happen in the kitchen.  

I think it’s important you know that I don’t have the most, biggest, nor the best equipment in my kitchen.  I do seem to have enough… and I’m scrappy enough to make things work.  

Let’s talk kitchen gear:  what you must have and what you might want to have on hand.  

Aaaand, go!

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Let’s take a quick minute to talk about buttermilk.  

What is buttermilk?  Buttermilk is a slightly sour milk.   The sourness of buttermilk comes acids in the milk, most notably, lactic acids.  Because the proteins in buttermilk are slightly curdled, buttermilk is slightly thicker than regular milk, but not quite as thick as cream.  Buttermilk is also usually much lower in fat than regular milk and cream.  

Say you wanted to make some butter and buttermilk waaaaay back in the day.  First you’d take your fresh milk from the cow, let’s say a big old bucket full… and you’d leave it out at room temperature for a few days.  After a few days the rich cream would separated and formed a thick layer on top of the milk.  During these few days, the milk would fermented a bit from the lactic acid forming bacterias in the milk.  Gross?  Not at all!  The bacteria produced would help lower the pH of the milk and protect with milk from icky microorganisms, making the butter easier to churn.  Once the butter is churned the residual liquid that’s produced…. that’s buttermilk!  

Nowadays, buttermilk is a whole other production.  Cultured buttermilk, as it is called in the United States these days, is a pasteurized milk product.  Instead of letting the milk ferment naturally, most dairies now add a culture of lactic acid bacteria to produce the same thickening and curdling of the milk.  Many dairies also add tiny yellow colored flecks of butter to simulate the old fashioned product.

Buttermilk is an important part of baking.  The acidic milk combined with baking soda in a recipe is a baker’s dream.  See… when baking soda is combined with the lactic acids of buttermilk, the soda releases carbon dioxide that when heated, released tiny bubbles that expand and lift and lighten whatever you’re baking.  

But what if you’re plum out of buttermilk?  There are solutions…. let’s talk. 

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Friends.  

This is important.

I need you to hold your pinky up for me.  We’re about to make a very important promise to one another. 

I need you to promise me that you’ll never. ever.. ever… ever buy a store-bought pre-made pie crust again.  Don’t do it.  Promise me.  

Those store bought pie crusts are full of all sorts of mystery fats, trans fats, dirty fats, mean fats… you don’t want all that mess in your pie!  

Besides… I’ve come up with the pie crust recipe of your dreams.  Seriously.  Fluff the ingredients in a bowl, throw in some moisture, then press the dough directly into your pie pan.  No chilling.  No rolling.  No stress.  I’m looking out for you.  

If you’re scared of pie, I’ve got you’re back…. promise… lemme show you. 

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Can I tell you a secret?  Sometimes I lack all confidence in the kitchen.  It’s true.  Sometimes a project will keep me up at night.  Sometimes the ingredient list will just baffle me.  Sometimes I hold my breath as I incorporate the ingredients, or I second guess myself and reread the recipe with every turn of my spatula.

It’s the absolute truth.  Sometimes I just need someone to hold my hand through a new recipe… or I at least need to be allowed to throw my hands up and call uncle at any point during the process.

I tell you all this so you know that when I stepped in the kitchen to make pasta this past weekend… well… I was totally intimidated.  I wasn’t sure I could pull this off.

I know… I know… everyone was telling me how easy it was.  Frankly, I was convinced they were liar liarpants.  For real.  Handmade pasta!?  Easy?  Not possible.

Well, let me be honest.  Pasta isn’t as entirely easy as everyone would have me believe.  That’s not to say it’s impossibly hard…. not at all.  For me, making pasta by hand just involves a little talking to myself, a big area where I could throw flour all around, a rolling pin and willingness for a good arm work out, and a few hours set aside for doughing… mostly just patting it, talking to it, and walking around the house showing it to whatever family member would pay attention to me.

The end result is beyond… BEYOND comforting.  The process was super satisfying, and really?  So Much Fun!  Pasta!  I made pasta!  Daaang!  I’m going to go ahead and pat myself on the back for this one.  Don’t mind me… I’ll be done in a minute.

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Cake flour.  Let’s face facts:  I never have cake flour on hand when I need it.  Luckily, there’s a super easy way to turn good old all-purpose flour into cake flour, lightening your cake crumb, making it super soft and delicious.    Maybe you already know this trick.  It’s a good one.  

Here’s a step by step.  From me to you!

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I love a good weekend project, especially when that project involves my fingers in loads of cookie dough.

I’ll admit that I may be waaaay behind the times on this trick.  It’s the sort of trick that super moms have on lock to make them look even more awesome than they already are.  Since I haven’t yet produced other people with my body, this trick is just now hitting my radar.

The idea is this:  one day… (say, maybe a lazy Saturday morning) whip up a couple batches of your favorite cookie dough.  Dollop that cookie dough onto a cookie sheet, all close like.  Throw the entire cookie sheet into the freezer.  Freeze the dough balls, then throw them into a zip lock bag and back into the freezer.  You know what that means?  All you have to do is flick on the oven and throw in a few dough balls anytime you want fresh baked cookies!  Dang this livin’ is easy!

This frozen dough ball situation is key and here’s why:

You and the family can have  fresh baked cookies any and every night.

Surprise guests?  No problem at all… you just happened to be whipping up a batch of fresh cookies.  Taaadaaa!

Bake ‘em directly from frozen…. do it!

Frozen dough balls in the middle of the night?  I won’t tell a soul.  Can I be honest?  I eat the dough balls more often than I actually bake the cookies.  In fact… be right back.  Dough ball for breakfast.

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Bust out the booze friends!  I’ve got a weekend project for you!

We’re making our very own vanilla extract!  Why?  Why make your own vanilla extract when you can just buy the stuff in a teeeeeeny tiny bottle at the grocery store for close to ten whopping dollars?  Hm… see what I did there?  I seem to have answered my own question.

Homemade vanilla extract only requires a handful of things.  Come on… we can totally rock this.

First let’s talk vanilla beans.  Yea… they’re a tad bit expensive, but totally worth their weight in… vanilla.

There are a lots different varieties of vanilla beans.  So many varieties all with their own subtle nuances… it can be a bit overwhelming.  There are beans from Madagascar, Mexico, Tahiti, Tonga… just throw a dart at the map and they just might produce vanilla beans there. Ok.  I’m exaggerating.   Different beans from all over the globe have different characteristics.  We could talk about this for days… seriously.  Here’s a brief brief brief run down of my favorites.

Madagascar beans are powerful, dark, full vanilla flavor beans.    Tahitian beans remind me of vanilla figs- fruity and floral.  The Mexican variety has just a hint of sweet creaminess.  How’s that for brief?

What beans are you going to choose for your vanilla extract?  Where are you going to get them?  Use exactly any bean you want!   Maybe you’ll buy them online here.  Use exactly whatever you can get your hands on.  Mix and match!  It’s your world.  It’s your extract.

This is going to be so easy!  Let’s get started!

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I think we should all sit down and have tea and cookies today.  Tea and cookies and a little chat and laughter in the late afternoon sun.  What do you think?  Are you in?

In the past few days, my inbox has filled with emails from people with big, arms-up-in-the-air, life questions.  If you’ll allow me to paraphrase, they go something like this:

Dear Joy,

This might sound totally weird and crazy, but I think I’m going to get laid off from my job soon, and I’ve always wanted to be a baker and I was wondering if you could tell me… what the heck to do next.

Sincerely yours,

Ok… first things first… let’s hug it out.  That will help.  Next, you should know, as I’m sure you already do, that I don’t have all the answers.  Not even close.  I am a firm believer in the idea that if you go after what you love, in a balls-out, take-no-prisoners kind of way, you succeed.  Succeed?  Heck yes!  Because you’ll be ultra happy that you’re, in the very least, doing something you love.

So!  If you want to be a baker… do it!  Bake every day!  Bake and bring cookies into the office job that might not be your favorite place in the world.  Bake and try to sell to the coffee shop down the street.  Bake and give it to the local homeless shelter.  Bake and blog about it.  Read books about baking.  Talk to bakers about baking.  Take a cheap cooking class at the community college.  Ask to apprentice one (very early) morning at a local bakery.  Dive in.  It’s what I did, and if I can scratch out a living in the kitchen every month, I think you can too.  On the real.

This concludes today’s installment of My Two Cents.

Now… how about cookies?

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There are a few reasons why you should read this post.

1.  I’m no gardener, but with a team of friends and experts, I might have just created a successful one pot garden… you can too!

2.  While this post may not be filled with butter and sugar, it is still a nice distraction from work, right!?

3.  I’m drinking wine and I’ve got a mild degree of writers block.  I’m bound to get a little punchy and make you laugh at some point.  Yes?

This year’s Spring garden… ok, my first Spring garden ever… was inspired by two things: my undying adoration of summer tomatoes and my utter annoyance at the high price of said tomatoes.

So here we are, talking tomatoes. Not just any tomatoes, but peak of the season summer tomatoes.  Besides my gradual fake tanning lotion, they might just be the best thing about the summer months.

The truth is, there’s a reason that this blog isn’t called Joy the Gardener.  I kill just about everything I put in dirt.  It’s a classic case of over enthusiasm and waaaaay too much water.  I over water and kill my plants, a fact that is sad but true.

This Spring I’ve got help.  My Mom happens to be an amazing gardener… she also happens to be retired, which leaves her plenty of time for nursery trips to counsel me on which fertilizer is best and why.  Then there’s my darling friend Rachael.  She’s blonde, beautiful, hilarious, and is oh-so-generous with the crap ton of knowledge she has about growing tomatoes.  With these two on my team, my garden can’t fail!  Now I just need someone to keep the watering can away from me.

If I can grow a tomato garden on the tiny balcony of my Los Angeles apartment, you can too.  Here’s the skinny:

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What do puppies with giant paws, foggy mornings, warm chocolate chip cookies and my bright, red spatula have in common?  That’s easy… they’re just some of my favorite things in the world.

If you hadn’t already figured it out, you guys are totally up there on my list of favorite things… right up there with puppies with giant paws.  You and your cute tea cup pictures.  You with your kind comments.  You with your thoughtful recipe questions.  I just think you’re dreamy.  I suppose that’s why it has become one of my new favorite things to give things to you… let’s do it again.

Two of you get two of my favorite things:  an express shipped box of chocolate chip cookies made by Joy the Baker (for someone here in the US), or a brand-spanking-new, colorful spatula (going international, because Customs doesn’t like when I send fresh cookies).

All you have to do to win some of my favorite things is leave me a comment telling me where you’re from, and some of your favorite things.  Seems fitting, right?

You’ve got until this Saturday April 11th at 10:38pm PST to get your comments in.  That’s when I turn back into a pumpkin and pick the winners.

Also… I like you!

Please allow me this bright and promising Monday morning to keep it one hundred percent real with you.  While this gluten free cake was buttery, nutty, bright with the flavor of lemon and perfectly sweet, the truth is, it ended up all over my floor.  Well… ok, bits on the floor, chunks on the counter, and pieces in my dirty sink.  Basically, this cake landed everywhere except the cake plate where I wanted it.

I salvaged a few if the larger pieces to mock up a pretty picture for you.  For a few moments I thought I might not even tell you about my cake accident.  But… see, my cake didn’t just land on the floor because I’m clumsy, but because I was taking baking liberties that I shouldn’t have.  Fact.

This cake taught me a small lesson about baking pan choices and cooking times.  It also helped me get my cake dropping out of the way for the next several months.  I only drop a cake every three months or so.  I feels good to be free and clear for a few months to come.

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Life is all about balance, right?  Balance and beans.  Ok… maybe not that last part.

While I’ll be the first person in line to pick at those brownies fresh out of the oven, I also know that I have to fill my belly with foods that make my body feel strong.  Because I think food is just downright dreamy, I like to take the time to make something special for my body.  Why?  I figure if my body is happy, then my brain is pretty stoked and my heart feels pretty rad… and that trickles out to every part of my life.

Can I tell you a secret?  I gave up working out for the new year.  That’s right… I gave it up completely.  I had absolutely no interest at all in even glancing at my running shoes.  About two months in, I went to slip on my favorite jeans.  Um…  they were tight… and they hadn’t just come out of the dryer.  What did I expect?  Seriously…

Well, I’m back at it.  I’m taking my running shoes out for a spin every once in a while, and my body is all smiles.  Incedentially, my body also wants to celebrate its new found activity with French fries… but that’s a whole other battle we can talk about later.

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Yes, I still love cupcakes.

Yes, I’ve been thinking about oatmeal cookies all week.

Yes,  I think pancakes should have a daily requirment like fruits and vegetables.

All of these things are true, yet here I am… and all I have to offer you is a pile of dried beans.

Do you feel wronged?  A little?  Be honest.

Let me explain.  These beans are special.  These beans have character, color and integrity.  These beans were inspiration enough for me to sit down and actually consider cooking dried beans at home.

See, I’m convinced that food has a story to tell and a story to create.  I want to know where my food comes from, so I’m always aspiring to find new foods from people who care about it as much as I do.

I don’t want to settle, but I also don’t want to spend a fortune on some fancypants ingredient that I won’t even have the tools to cook.  That’s just silly, right?

Well… these beans… they just made me swoon.  They’re beautiful.  And!  And!  I can cook them at home.  And if I can cook them at home, you can too.

Can I share my beans with you?  Will you indulge me?

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My Mom used to crawl in the bed at night, after a long day of being a mail carrier, a wife and mother and exclaim “Best part of the day!” just before she drifted off to sleep.  To her,  it seemed like there was no greater reward that peaceful rest at the end of the day.

As a kid, I had a hard time relating to my Mom’s Ode to Bedtime.  I was sure that I could have, at the very least, squeezed one more episode of The Cosby Show into my night.  Nope.  Bedtime was bedtime, not because there were overly strict bedtime rules, but because my Mom was just dog tired.

Nowadays I feel like I have a better understanding of my Mom’s nighttime sentiments.  My head hits the pillow after a long day and I’m asleep before I can even turn the bedside lamp off… and I don’t even have little kids yet!

You were right Momma.  Sometimes crawling under the covers is the best part of the day.

Other times, quiche is the best part of the day.  True.

In exciting, not sleepy or quiche related news:  my Mom, after over 30 years of delivering mail, retires from the Post Office… today!  Holy heck Mom!  Way to go!  Thanks for working hard for the family all those years.   I couldn’t be happier for you.  I hope you find a new “best part of the day”.  For reals, I love you Mom!

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Part Two!?  Catch up on Part One here!

If you had children and could only share one recipe with them, what would it be?

If I could only share one recipe with my kids, I’d no doubt teach them how to make a Sweet Potato Pie.  Wait… I haven’t even taught you all how to make a Sweet Potato Pie!  I’ll get on that.  Pies are a big deal in my family, it’s the only real way to get out of doing the dishes at holiday time… “I made the pie!” and you’re sitting pretty on the couch at dish time.  Brilliant!

What is your favorite cookbook specifically for cakes and cupcakes?

I’m a sucker for the Magnolia Bakery Cookbook. It’s simple, approachable and has some really lovely recipes.

How do you like your coffee?

Two tablespoons of fresh ground coffee with 3 cups of hot water in a French press. Thow in some sugar and whole milk… press the press and coffee is a go!

What 3 things did you learn in culinary school that everyone should know?

Ah… as I mentioned before, I wasn’t one for the fancy-hat-wearing culinary school scene.  I did take a three month Professional Baking Course here in Los Angeles to get my feet wet just after I graduated with my bachelor’s degree.  By then I had already been working hard in bakeries.  I just wanted to see if professional culinary schooling was something that would float my boat.

When as our final class project we made a Croquembouche, I knew that large-and-in-charge-culinary school just wasn’t for me.  Beautiful, yes.  But what the heck am I going to do with a Croquembouche!?

I did learn some great things in the baking program.  Here are three off the top of my head.

1.  Always fluff flour before you measure it in a measuring cup, and don’t pack it in there too heavily before you level it off with a butter knife.

2.  Baking recipes almost always call for large eggs.  Using medium or jumbo eggs will throw off your recipe.

3.  Don’t ever ever ever ever EVER touch boiling sugar.  And if you do, thank the teacher that put the bowl of ice water next to your station to instantly cool your bad decisions.

AND!  BONUS!  Here are three things I taught myself in the kitchen. Good oven mits go a long long long way. Buttermilk lasts waaaay past it’s printed expiration date… weeks people… weeks. And, if you’re standing in the baking aisle at the grocery store and you’ve forgotten your list at home, just buy the flour, sugar, baking powder and baking soda… you’re probably out.

Is there a particular bakeware you would swear by?

Can I tell you a secret? I’m not super picky when it comes to bakeware. Heck… I’m the kind of baker that doesn’t even use parchment paper when I’m supposed to. There isn’t one name brand that overwhelms my kitchen. The only piece of glory that I swear by is my Kitchen Aid Mixer. The rest of my pans and such I get from my local restaurant supply store. They’re cheaper than those fancy kitchen stores and I know the products work because they have to stand up to restaurant type use.

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Pop Quiz:

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of you life what would it be: sweet and creamy breakfast polenta with milk or (oh my gracious heavens) sweet and creamy fried polenta bars with blackberry meyer lemon jam?

No contest.  Fried polenta with blackberry jam every day, all day.  Let’s do this.

Remember yesterday I told you about Vanilla Brown Sugar Breakfast Polenta?  That was just a dirty trick to make you have enough leftover polenta to make the real deal:  fried polenta.

A quick heads up:  this recipe involves butter and results in an almost French Toast-ish, outta this world breakfast.  If you’re not ready for that… completely understandable… you might want to sit this one out.   I won’t judge.

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You mentioned once that you were an English major in college. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you ever do it? How did you move from English major to Baker Extraordinaire?

I was an English major in college. Ironically enough, reading makes me fall asleep. Crazy, right? Somehow I managed to work my way through five (yes, it took me a while) years of college. I worked two jobs through college, always with food, often in kitchens. For those years, I either had my head (fast asleep) in a book, or my hands elbow deep in dough. When I finished college, I found that I loved baking so much that I didn’t want to stop working with food. I somehow wanted to find a way to incorporate my love of story telling with my passion for food. So far that journey has lead me here- cooking, photographing and writing for you fine folks. I honestly can’t think of any place I’d rather be!

Have you thought of making healthy versions of some of your recipes, or proposing a corpus of kid-friendly, healthier recipes that use fruit sugars and fat subs for a more conscious approach of your culinary art?

I think butter is beautiful. I think sugar is dreamy. I think cream is over the moon. I bake with ingredients that put a smile on my face. I certainly wouldn’t consider the treats on my site as everyday meal-time staples, but for a special occasion… when you need to reach out to that inner sugar fiend… this is a good place to come.

If you’re looking for fruit sugars and fat substitutes, I just may not be the baker for you. It’s just not what I’m passionate about these days. While I do have a handful of healthful recipes like my Gnarly Muffins… these recipes just don’t bring a sparkle to my eye like cream, butter and chocolate do.

What kind of camera do you use? Did you take classes or is it just the camera that creates those gorgeous shots?

I use a Canon XSi with a 100mm macro lens. It’s a lovely, easy to use camera, made even more awesome with the fancypants lens. Can I tell you a secret? There was a time when the lens to my camera was worth more money than the car I was driving. True…. that’s really true.

I also have to tell you that I’ve actually never take a photography class. A dear friend handed me a SLR camera, gave me a 15 minute lesson all about aperture and depth of field I think he might have mentioned shutter speed once or twice… but that was it. He knew what I wanted to shoot and he showed me exactly how to do it.

The 100mm macro lens It’s totally worth it, isn’t it?

Yes. Yes it is.

Did you go to culinary school? Do you currently work at a bakery? Have you been working at a bakery for your entire professional life?

Here’s the deal: I’m a self taught baker. I didn’t go to culinary school. Why? It was just too darn expensive. As a result, I’m no master at cream puffs, my bread baking is sometimes a comic tragedy and fancy French desserts make me break out in a cold sweat. But that stuff just isn’t where my passion lies. I’m more interested in getting in the kitchen with my Dad to recreate his favorite pie, or filling my kitchen with girlfriends to play with cookie recipes. My approach is all about food, stories, laughs and love and I didn’t feel like I needed culinary school to teach me that.

What recipe ingredients are worth splurging on?

Whatever you love… it’s worth splurging on. I love food, so I think the good stuff is worth seeking out. Recently I’ve come to love raw, artisanal honeys. The people at Ames Farm seem to know what they’re doing with bees. They have lovely honey that I usually eat by the spoonful. I also love love love good chocolate. I like to buy Valrhona when it comes to my chocolate baking needs. Expensive, yes… but the quality is absolutely worth the extra dough.

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Pie takes time.  Pie requires attentions.  Pie demands love and care.  Pie, even for an everyday baker like me, is a lost art.

I needed a good, old fashioned, pie contest to help me slow down, take a breath, and dream up the most delicious pie I could.

The most delicious thing I could dream up was this:  bananas, homemade peanut butter, chocolate, graham crackers, butter, whipped cream, and as much sugar as I could reasonably pack into a single pie dish…. and some chocolate shavings for good measure.

The result:  one mad Peanut Butter Banana Cream Pie.  The contest:  inspired by Whitney and several bottles of wine.  The contestants:  as serious about pie as they are about being incredibly fashionable and audaciously cool.  The competition:  stiff.  The winner:  one devastating, delicious and perfectly tart Key Lime Pie.

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